I didn't realize I had been gone that long until one of my buddies here in BlogWorld emailed me to see where I'd gone. I apologize.
The simple explanation is that I've been kind of busy. Last Friday was Sweet'ums' IEP meeting and they determined that she qualified for services. She started school this past Monday and since then it's been sort of blurry. I'm getting up way earlier than I'm used to and I'm having a hard time falling asleep at night. That results in me getting three or four hours of sleep at night before I have to get up and get her ready to take to school. My body is sending me death threats if I don't cut it out and unfortunately this pattern is here to stay.
I've also begun having problems with indigestion. I know it sounds silly, but it's a huge part of why I'm not sleeping at night and it's partly why I've been distracted and not writing. I've been in a lot of pain and most I've just kept myself still and quiet and tried riding it all out.
It'll probably be a few weeks before I'm completely straightened out. Sadly, about the time I get used to this pattern school will be out for the summer and I'll have to resign myself to getting up early for no good reason. *sigh*
So, I'll leave you with a link to my new blog for Sweet'ums and wishes for all of you to have a wonderful weekend.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Countdown's On
Now it's less than a week until Sweet'ums' IEP meeting. Part of the reason I've been away for a while is we're trying so hard to do things together as a family when NG's off work since we might not get to as much once she's in classes. It's overwhelming to think about and it actually makes me a little lightheaded to consider just how much my life will be changing in such a short period of time.
I'm also a little bit of an emotional mess for other assorted reasons. Today NG told me he thought he heard kittens outside so I went to look. This little stray cat that hangs around had a hold of a bird and when she saw me she dropped it. The bird seemed like it might survive--it was bleeding but didn't have any of the normal signs of internal trauma (like bleeding from the nose, etc). We managed to scoop it up in to a box and gave it some bread and water until my mom could come get it and see what she could do. When she finally finished doing what she had to do she called me to see how the little bird had fared. I went to check on it and unfortunately it had died. Now I feel absolutely awful--I hate that the little bird lingered and I hate even more that I couldn't help her after chasing the cat away from a meal. And yes, I'm the loser that, even as an adult, still cries over little lost birds. I just wanted to help and instead the cat went without her meal and the bird still died.
I guess it just makes me feel like no matter how hard I try I can't fix anything.
Today was a good day mostly. I don't know why I feel so gloomy. I just miss having someone to sit and cry with. It's been so long. Once upon a time I had a couple friends around whom I'd just melt into tears when things like this happened. I don't have anyone like that anymore, really, except for NG. And Sweet'ums, but she thinks Mommy's crazy for just sniffling all the time.
She's growing into such a kid. We're teaching her to pray and NG made the mistake of telling her to say Grace. You can imagine what she did. And we've become quite taken with a song called "Little Bird, Little Bird" and when I was trying to sing her to sleep tonight she kept singing along. She loves the word "chickadee" and I think it's because her gym teacher calls her that. Sweet'ums lets herself get picked on without fighting back and she's so precious when there's things like bugs and flowers to investigate.
I already feel like my days are empty and she hasn't even started school yet.
I'm also a little bit of an emotional mess for other assorted reasons. Today NG told me he thought he heard kittens outside so I went to look. This little stray cat that hangs around had a hold of a bird and when she saw me she dropped it. The bird seemed like it might survive--it was bleeding but didn't have any of the normal signs of internal trauma (like bleeding from the nose, etc). We managed to scoop it up in to a box and gave it some bread and water until my mom could come get it and see what she could do. When she finally finished doing what she had to do she called me to see how the little bird had fared. I went to check on it and unfortunately it had died. Now I feel absolutely awful--I hate that the little bird lingered and I hate even more that I couldn't help her after chasing the cat away from a meal. And yes, I'm the loser that, even as an adult, still cries over little lost birds. I just wanted to help and instead the cat went without her meal and the bird still died.
I guess it just makes me feel like no matter how hard I try I can't fix anything.
Today was a good day mostly. I don't know why I feel so gloomy. I just miss having someone to sit and cry with. It's been so long. Once upon a time I had a couple friends around whom I'd just melt into tears when things like this happened. I don't have anyone like that anymore, really, except for NG. And Sweet'ums, but she thinks Mommy's crazy for just sniffling all the time.
She's growing into such a kid. We're teaching her to pray and NG made the mistake of telling her to say Grace. You can imagine what she did. And we've become quite taken with a song called "Little Bird, Little Bird" and when I was trying to sing her to sleep tonight she kept singing along. She loves the word "chickadee" and I think it's because her gym teacher calls her that. Sweet'ums lets herself get picked on without fighting back and she's so precious when there's things like bugs and flowers to investigate.
I already feel like my days are empty and she hasn't even started school yet.
Monday, May 2, 2011
A moment to celebrate
I try not to say much about politics or world events here. Once in a while I can't help myself but typically I keep things pretty neutral around here.
I also know we're not supposed to rejoice in another's suffering or celebrate the demise of our enemies.
Tonight, though, I have to take a moment and celebrate. Osama bin Laden took so much away from so many people on a bright and beautiful day almost ten years ago. Moms and dads and kids and grandparents and so many promising futures were lost that day. I spent what should have been a happy day for me worrying about family members who should have been at work in harm's way and feeling remorseful for all that so many had lost.
But this year? This year I think I'm going to throw a party. It'll be my twenty-fifth birthday, after all, and since Osama took the joy out of my birthday for an entire decade, and since he's finally been sent to the Maker for reckoning for the chaos he created and lives he was responsible for on that day and in the war that followed, I feel like I can finally smile again on my birthday.
It felt wrong before, being happy and celebrating on a day when so many other people were mourning a tragic loss, but this year it seems only appropriate. Celebrate the lives of those who died, and celebrate being alive myself.
As you go about your day, don't forget to give thanks for the thousands of people over the last ten years who have fought, and sometimes died, to help protect us from the likes of bin Laden. Don't forget to say a little prayer for the innocents and civilians who died as a result of this war, both in America and overseas. And don't forget to do a little happy dance that finally, maybe, we can bring this war to a close.
I also know we're not supposed to rejoice in another's suffering or celebrate the demise of our enemies.
Tonight, though, I have to take a moment and celebrate. Osama bin Laden took so much away from so many people on a bright and beautiful day almost ten years ago. Moms and dads and kids and grandparents and so many promising futures were lost that day. I spent what should have been a happy day for me worrying about family members who should have been at work in harm's way and feeling remorseful for all that so many had lost.
But this year? This year I think I'm going to throw a party. It'll be my twenty-fifth birthday, after all, and since Osama took the joy out of my birthday for an entire decade, and since he's finally been sent to the Maker for reckoning for the chaos he created and lives he was responsible for on that day and in the war that followed, I feel like I can finally smile again on my birthday.
It felt wrong before, being happy and celebrating on a day when so many other people were mourning a tragic loss, but this year it seems only appropriate. Celebrate the lives of those who died, and celebrate being alive myself.
As you go about your day, don't forget to give thanks for the thousands of people over the last ten years who have fought, and sometimes died, to help protect us from the likes of bin Laden. Don't forget to say a little prayer for the innocents and civilians who died as a result of this war, both in America and overseas. And don't forget to do a little happy dance that finally, maybe, we can bring this war to a close.
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