Loving my baby

Today I started attempt number... two, or maybe three... at potty training Sweet'ums. This process has actually been going on since she was about six months old, when we bought her potty chair and began sitting her on it. She loved it from day one. Nice Guy thought she was too young but now I'm glad we did it, because at least she's not afraid of it. But until a few months ago she really just wasn't ready. She'd sit there and go, but usually only if you sat her there for a long time or caught her in the middle of doing her business and put her there.

Then, I decided to actually concentrate on trying to potty train her. I decided this back in January, I think, and had a little luck getting the point across to her. But she just lacked the bladder control and was still a little clumsy about sitting down on the potty. 4 out of 5 times we'd fail in getting her on the potty in time.

This time, though, I think it'll work. I let her go without clothes from the waist down, and I set a timer for every 15 minutes. When the buzzer goes off it kind of startles her still, but she comes running to me and we go sit on the potty for a few minutes. Luckily this kind of coincides with commercial breaks on TV and she LOVES commercials, so she's occupied and will stay there for the 3 or so minutes that the commercials are on. And she goes! I'm so excited. We only worked for about two hours this evening and she went three times (all in the last hour--the first hour was me figuring out how to go about this, and cleaning up puddles). So that's what we'll be working on this weekend. Hopefully, by Monday she'll be pretty well trained for daytime and at home, and I'll be better at this too. I'm learning about this process just like she is, and unfortunately my mom isn't much help--Sweet'ums is a totally different kind of kid than I was, and I walked a lot younger, so I was potty trained by a year old, and with very little effort from my parents beyond giving me a behavior to mimic.

Anyway, it has me thinking about how far we've come in the last 19 months. It's so weird to think about the progression from those first, tarry diapers to the onset of potty training.

Worrying about her sleeping too much and not eating enough or gaining weight, to the victorious doctor's appointment where she finally doubled her birthweight, to suddenly realizing she had tripled it and grown 10 inches since she was born. Those sleepless nights where we were still learning that it was okay to close our eyes and rest, to the sleepless nights when she wouldn't sleep and wanted to play all night long, to the sleepless nights now when we lay awake and talk the night away about how big she's getting and listening to her talk as she dreams. Worrying that she wasn't drinking enough at each feeding, to worrying that she was drinking too much, to starting her on solids and eventually, trying to chase her out of our food when she should be eating her own. Watching her learn to roll over, sit up, stand, walk, and now dance and climb and chase bubbles and bees at the park. From the moment I first felt her flutter in my belly and knowing how safe and secure she was, to trying to hold her securely and feeling like she's nothing but elbows and feet and very strategically placed jabs.

And even more than anything, that personality. To look at her, she's my Mini-Me of that age. Blue eyes, blonde curls (hers are darker than mine at that age), same mirror-of-my-father grin. But our personalities are so different. I'm cautious, reserved, a little shy, and fairly serious unless you know how to draw me out of my shell. Sweet'ums is cautious and a little shy of strangers but she's bouncy, cheerful, and has this wonderful charisma. She's got her daddy's sense of humor and she tries so hard to make me laugh. She's turning into a girlie girl, but she'll be the kind that puts on her Sunday best to go splashing in the mud and chasing frogs with the boys. She'll be the tomboy with the manicure and pedicure and perfect hair, and me, I was the one who curled up in the living room with a book in my jeans and ratty old t-shirts. She could prove me wrong, and end up like me, but I think she's going to take a lot more after Nice Guy than she will me. And that's ok. He's more pleasant to be around, anyway, since he's more laid back.

I'm just so overwhelmed by how she's growing and changing. It's wonderful and scary all at once. It probably sounds strange but so much of the time I feel like she's the parent, and I'm the child, and I'm learning so much from her. And I guess in a lot of ways parents are like children... we've got a lot to learn too. NG and I are kind of growing up with Sweet'ums, and I'm enjoying the journey.

In the still of the night

It's quiet. I tend to get a little freaked when things are this quiet. Tonight, though, my nerves are shot. The quiet, and the fact that it means everything's done for the day, is somewhat welcome.

The family stuff has settled down but money stuff has taken its place. I won't go into detail but it sucks being given a week's notice that you have to cough up a huge amount of money "or else". I'm stressed, but what else is new? Most of the time I try to take it in stride but it's scary to not know whether we'll have the money to get by once things get paid.

Sweet'ums is also accident-prone this week. She threw herself off my mom's bed over the weekend, and today she managed to tumble off the couch head-first. She didn't get hurt but it scared the life outta me. Thank GOD toddlers are flexible and resilient.

So I keep telling myself that things will get better. It won't always be this hard. Sweet'ums is getting bigger and easier to manage. We're slowly clawing our way out of debt so money won't always be such a pain. The more I learn to eat to control the insulin resistance the better I feel, and my weight is starting to creep down. Losing weight will help a lot of the other issues in my life, as far as self-esteem, body image, and overall quality of life. Nice Guy and I get along pretty well and fighting really isn't too much of an issue but there are areas of our relationship that need improving, and with time we can address and fix those things. Things will get better eventually. Right?

My nerves are about shot but after a good night's sleep I should feel better. I'm off in a few to try to rest... We'll see how that goes. I still have to make the bed, since I washed the other set of linens tonight...

Lovely Sunday

This Sunday is beautiful. It's lovely outside, aside from being horribly hot, and other than the noise from the jets overhead it's also very quiet.

Much of the family stuff has been sorted out. The in-laws are back at home and tolerating each other, but it's out there now that EVERYONE knows what MIL is up to and that she needs to stop acting like she's being so crafty keeping it from people. She's also been told to stop calling family and blaming other people for her getting caught in her sins. It's understood that she is to leave as soon as she has a job.

I spoke with FIL regarding SIL being worried that her mother will try to, in essence, kidnap her and her sister from their dad. He's writing up a letter for me and N.G. and getting it notarized so that if MIL tries to take the girls against their will we can go to the sheriff and act as proxies for him in effort to retrieve the girls. The SIL I'm most concerned for is also almost an adult, so soon I won't have to worry so much. But it'll be nice to have something in-hand, so that if something happens I can do everything in my power to help her.

Sweet'ums got hurt at my mom's last night. She was sitting on the bed with my mom and Mom was about to get her ready for a bath. When she went to reach for Sweet'ums, the young'un flipped herself around to escape and fell right off the bed. Her forehead caught the corner of my mom's sewing box and it scratched her eyelid. Mom called me last night to warn me that Sweet'ums might have a black eye and to ask if I thought she should take her to the hospital. I trust my parents' judgment and they really didn't think it warrented medical attention. So they did the checks for concussion and kept her up later to make sure she was alright. But Sweet'ums was easily distracted and more than happy to play so I doubt she was really hurt. When she's hurt it's nearly impossible to distract her from it. She took a sippy cup, and played in the bath, and seemed to be just fine. And today she's been her usual self, so I'm not too concerned. Mom says her eye is slightly bruised but doesn't look as bad as she expected. I'm kind of anxious to see it. I'll take a picture--gotta record the kid's first shiner.

Mom feels bad that Sweet'ums always seems to get hurt at her house but I've tried explaining that there's more to get hurt on there, and that I'd almost rather her get hurt over there. Mom handles emergencies better than I do and my dad is excellent in a crisis. They handle her injuries far better than I can. Besides, she gets into more there, and spends more time outside and being rough-and-tumble there than she does at home, so of course she's more prone to injury there. But if the worst she gets growing up is a shiner, then she's doing pretty good. I think Mom's biggest concern is that eventually something will happen and I'll blame her. But as long as she's doing her best to look after Sweet'ums while she's in her care, I know that accidents can happen and Mom shouldn't be blamed.

So I'm resting now. My arm was in so much pain by the time I got home yesterday and I'm really not sure what the source of the pain was so I'm going to take it easy. I'm not going to stay on the computer long, so this is goodbye for now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

PAIN

So my wrist hurts. I can follow the pain up to where it disappears in the area of my elbow, and picks up again about halfway up my upper arm. My shoulder aches as well. I'm wondering if it's just the meds wearing off or if it was hurt worse than I thought.

There's still drama with the family, and we're going to be taking some heat for one of the girls regarding information given to FIL about MIL's behavior. That's ok though. I'd take the heat for the kid any day. :)

Sweet'ums is visiting her dear Mimi and Papa. She was having fun when I called to check in and wanted nothing at all to do with "Mummy" on the phone. But I told her I missed her and that Daddy does too. I'm glad she's with my mom though. She's far away from the drama and safe from it, in case things turn nasty (which I'm not anticipating but it's always better to prepare for the worst). It leaves me and Nice Guy free to go and handle things if necessary, like going to pick up his sisters or running interference for FIL.

And a friend of mine might be pregnant! I'm really hopeful for her, because they want a baby so badly and have been trying for quite some time. They'll make wonderful parents too. They're both very sweet people and it's wonderful to see a baby get a great set of parents, no matter whether the child was born to them or adopted by them.

So that's my rambling for now. I hope everyone is having a splendid weekend.

Now for a REAL post :)

Now that I got the stressful stuff out of my system, here's some less stressful stuff. :)

There's a big airshow in my area at the moment. I love it, and I love the airplanes, but this year something's a little amiss with me. Normally the sounds don't bother me, but hey, maybe it's the meds.

The noise is driving me insane!

I'm really glad there was a good turnout this year but the big jets and stuff are just bugging me. It might be because Sweet'ums isn't sure what to do with herself with the noise and she's rubbing off on me. Poor baby. At least she's at Mimi and Papa's house this weekend.

I'm watching Wife Swap. Is it just me, or do they pick some of the most disrespectful women alive and swap them with women who have put forth effort to raise good, wholesome families? It's so funny to me to watch women who have the most unstructured households go into a well organized families and make character judgments about the mothers based solely on the fact that they themselves don't like structure. That's not to say I think life has to be 100% organized, but I think there's a time and a place for fun and a time for being realistic and responsible.

Obviously, you can see who the fuddy-duddy is in my household. :) Oh well, I try to be fun. I'm just no good at it.

Tonight will be nice. We're gonna rent a movie and relax, and I'm not sure yet what we're doing for supper. But it'll be just me and Nice Guy and that will be... well, nice. I'm about to fall over so I can't guarantee I'll be up late but at least I won't have to cook or worry about getting anyone to bed.

But I have to admit... I miss my Sweet'ums.

My girl, wearing Mimi's outside shoes. She's got something on her face. *sigh*

Goodness Gracious

Today is shaping up to be "one of those days". Not a bad day, really, just a very, very long one.

I woke up about two minutes before N.G.'s alarm for work this morning. I turned it off before it sounded and woke him up--let's face it, nobody really likes the sound of an alarm in the morning. I saw him off to work by 5AM and laid down to try to get more sleep.

Unfortunately, the cats would have none of it. Every time I'd almost drift off, they'd come along and beat on my door. Finally, I gave up (around 7:30AM) and decided to just lay and watch TV. Of course, the cats didn't touch my door once after I gave up on sleeping.

At around 9AM I got a call from the billing people at our doctor's office. We've had some trouble with N.G.'s account (Clinic claims we don't have coverage, Insurance says we do, but that Clinic never filed anything) and found out a couple months ago that it was because Clinic had N.G.'s old insurance card on file and failed to get a copy of the new one when it was issued. Mind you, they're supposed to ask at EVERY APPOINTMENT to see your insurance card to check it against the one they have on file. Anyway, the billing lady said that they'd refiled everything with the insurance company and that now it was in Insurance's hands. She said she wouldn't make any promises, however, since Insurance doesn't usually like to pay for claims made over a year ago. She then tells me that N.G. needs to "get on the ball" and call the insurance people. I told her that he's been "on the ball" with the whole thing and has been trying to get each end to do their part, but it's the Clinic and Insurance that keep giving us the run-around.

So by that point it was about 10AM and Sweet'ums was waking up for the day. I got her up and gave her breakfast and she was being her usual sweet self. Mom was supposed to come get her for the weekend (to give me and my wrist a break) after an appointment she had this morning (she's a massage therapist) sometime around 10AM. So I was expecting to hear from her by 11 or so to find out what the plan was.

Noon rolls around and still no word from Mom. Finally, I called her cell since the home phone wasn't being answered. She had to clean the church for a funeral and then she might possibly have another massage lined up for later in the afternoon. Apparently the guy didn't call until she was finishing up with her morning appointment and it was a somewhat last minute thing. The bad part was that he hadn't decided yet whether he was going to get it done this afternoon or wait until after next week. Then, while I'm talking to her, the pastor calls and wants her to help transport a group from ANOTHER church on an outing. The pastor of this other church wants our church to donate our van for their field trip, and of course the pastor was all too willing to plan my parents' weekend for them, as has been done countless times thus far. To top it off, Mom will have to clean the church again tomorrow afternoon following the funeral so it's fresh for church on Sunday. Keep in mind that what she makes cleaning the church is a pittance and they don't pay her any more for any extra trips down to clean after functions, regardless of whose function it was, what it was for, or how much of a mess was left. So now he's trying to tie her up all day Saturday as well.

Then I get a phone call from N.G. He called the insurance people, who say they haven't received anything at all from Clinic. So I had to call Clinic and argue with them again. Clinic lady said to just wait it out, that his file was now showing that everything had been resubmitted AGAIN and that now all we could do was wait.

So a few minutes ago I get a call from N.G. again from work. His parents finally had "the fight." The fight we've been waiting for for over a year. Then, I got another call, saying his mom was giving an Aunt problems and I needed to contact FIL to tell him that MIL was calling Aunt at work and making trouble for her.

UGH!!!! That's what's going on today... And there's more but until I know more about what's going on I'll refrain from saying anything. I'll be grey before my time and as it stands right now, I'm in a lot of pain with my wrist. Seems like the more stressed I get the more my wrist hurts. Hooray!

So I'm gonna go pack Sweet'ums' bag for Mimi and Papa's house and try to chill out. Finally Mom gave up on her second appointment so I'll be child-free for a night of peaceful slumber. I'll miss my baby but this also leaves me free to go get the SIL if things get too bad at the in-laws' house.

Tendonitis

Apparently I have tendonitis that has resulted in a ganglear cyst. The doctor seemed kind of concerned about the tendonitis and scolded me for not coming in sooner... something about how tendonitis can become something more serious and be a lot harder to get cleared up, but I don't remember for sure what he called it. I'm on some anti-inflammatories and will be in a wrist splint for at least two weeks. I also had an x-ray to eliminate any other possibilities, so at least it's pretty conclusive.

Alright... that's all for now. So yeah... There's your update, Fernie. :)

Psychotic Lawn Gnome

Apparently, that's what I sound like when I use my "devious laugh".

I'm planning Nice Guy's birthday and it's driving him crazy that I won't tell him what's up.

That's ok. He'll love it when I'm done.

Love,
The Psychotic Lawn Gnome

Becoming Butterflies

I'm still up so I thought I'd write a few words about the title of my blog.

When we were growing up we were given the analogy of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly to make us feel better about the awkward stages we'd go through. When a teenage girl feels insecure about her looks her mother often says something about how her little girl is becoming a butterfly.

Lately, I'm in a very awkward stage. I've got acne worse than most teenagers I know and I weigh more than I ever have before, with the exception of when I was about to deliver my daughter. Nice Guy reassures me frequently that he loves me, that he knows my weight is from a hormonal condition, and that he has all faith that I will be able to get myself into better health again if I put my mind to it. But it's hard to convince a little 5'1" woman that she's beautiful when she gets home with a brand new pajama shirt and puts it on for the first time, only to find that XL is no longer big enough to fit her arms and shoulders. It's hard to feel feminine when you fill out your husband's dress shirts better than he does through the shoulders.

When I was a little girl I was so pretty. I was strawberry blonde with curly hair and bright blue eyes. As a teen I was awkward, maybe even a little boyish, and was so thin and curve-less that girls' clothing didn't quite fit me right. In college I began to fill out a little and for once, I felt confident in myself.

But when I turned 19 I put on about 40lbs in less than six months and it wouldn't come off, no matter what I tried. And now, at age 22, I've added another 40lbs to max myself out at almost 200lbs. Still, dieting hasn't helped and the only weight loss I experience is when my stomach trouble flares up and I can't keep food in me.

So I feel like maybe I started out as a butterfly, and now I'm a caterpillar, instead of it working the other way around. But for the sake of my husband, I'm trying to think positive.

I've decided to think of myself as a butterfly-in-waiting. I hope that it will keep my spirits up through the next few months as we figure out what steps will be taken to control my insulin and help me get some of the extra weight off. And I'll be here to walk my little angel through plenty of awkwardness of her own through the years. So we'll be butterflies-in-waiting together.

Introductions

Hi, I'm Victoria, age 22. I've been married to Nice Guy, age 24, for three of the most wonderful years of my life. I have a daughter, Sweet'ums, who is almost 19 months old. They bring out the best (and sometimes the worst) in me, and I love them dearly.
I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance. I'm kinda freaked about it, but so far I've taken it pretty well in stride. We're making changes to our life as a family but mostly it's on me to make the changes that will help me to get healthy again. This is a tall order, and sometimes it gets me down. Mostly that's only on nights like tonight, when I'm home alone and have way too much time to think. I probably wouldn't have mentioned it on this brand-new blog, but I have a feeling it's going to be a recurring theme in my posts and figured I'd go ahead and put it out there.
So about my family... Nice Guy works swing shift, so sometimes he works nights, sometimes he's on days, and sometimes he's off. He works 12 hours at a time so night shift is a really long and lonely time for me. The baby goes down for bed for the night just a few hours after he leaves for work, so that leaves me a long night of thinking to do. That's usually when I do my blogging. Sweet'ums is a silly girl, loves to talk and dance and adores animals. She's a total ham. She does everything she can to make me laugh when she thinks I'm being too serious. It's one of my favorite things about her, along with the way her hair curls when it's humid and the little half-dimple in her right cheek.
And me... I was an English major in college. I got married halfway into my sophomore year, and stuck around for another year before getting pregnant and leaving college. Pregnancy wasn't the reason I left, but it was convenient timing. Since then I've been a stay at home wife and mom. I'm not sure whether I'll go back. College costs so much and I really can't say that I learned anything that my very thorough high school teachers hadn't already taught me. I plan to homeschool Sweet'ums if at all possible, and I enjoy watching her learn every day.
So that's a brief rundown of who we are. I know I'll think of more later but for now, that'll have to do. I'll work on getting this blog up and running and hopefully, soon, it'll be worth stopping by.
Hope everyone has a great night.