Revisiting our history

Tonight my family is going to revisit the day my husband and I had our first date. The movie theater where we went together is closing at the end of business tonight and we wanted to catch one last film with them. We even thought it would be fitting that our daughter's first movie would be at the same place we had ours, so she'll be going with us. I'm excited and a little sad too.

Sad, because it was a lovely theater at one time but has fallen into disrepair--that's part of the reason we've only been back a few times in our five years together. Even way back then management had stopped caring about the place, but it wasn't as bad as I hear it is now. I wouldn't even bother going, except for honoring that memory with my husband.

This isn't the first theater we've seen off like this. Another in town closed a few years ago and goodness knows how many movies we saw there while we were dating and first married. We made it a point on its last day to see the last showing of the last movie. Of course in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't mean anything, but it's sad to see places where you've spent so much time shut down. We've seen a ton of movies together over the last few years and these places mean something to us.

The only thing is that I'm uneasy about taking Sweet'ums. I really don't know what condition the theater is in--it can't be too bad or they would have been shut down a long time ago--and really, that's the main thing, not knowing how bad it is. Obviously I don't want to take her someplace where she might get hurt or sick. I doubt it's really an issue, since it's only for about an hour and a half with four adults to keep an eye on her. And hopefully she'll enjoy the movie.

That was a really great first date.

What would you do?

Next month, Sweet'ums moves up to the 3 year old class at the gym. This may or may not eliminate the need for the advice I'm asking for, at least for now, but I'm sure it will still be needed at some point in the future so I might as well lay out the issue.

As you well know, my daughter is in a gymnastics class. The two year old class that we've just finished is a Mommy and Me class, where the parents participate along with their children. It's tons of fun, provided that everyone actually does what they're supposed to.

I'm not sure that I've mentioned it before but we've had one minor problem with her class. A couple little girls in that class have a tendency to be a bit mean to my baby.

There's two separate situations. This first one I might just ignore, since the kid picked up her personality cues from her mother and I doubt the mother would be willing to acknowledge that her daughter is a genuine bully. I think the mom probably was in school, to be honest, based on what I've seen out of her. The reason I will probably let this one slide is that the kid is like six months younger than Sweet'ums and probably won't be in her class again for quite a while. Choose my battles, right?

This other situation is a bit more challenging for me. It involves two little girls and two other mothers. One of the little girls was a friend of Sweet'ums' before, and the mom and I hit it off pretty well at the beginning. The mom was on maternity leave with a new little one and her little girl is something of a social butterfly. Sweet'ums took to C and they became good friends at first. Then B and her mom started coming to the class. At first the only thing I noticed that had changed was that C's mom didn't really talk to me as much, choosing to chat instead with B's mom. That was no biggie because Sweet'ums had made friends with another little girl (S) at that point and her mom buddied up with me and my mom. And really, I'm not there to make friends, I'm there for Sweet'ums and to help her make friends. Anyway, when C's mom went back to work off maternity leave B's mom started giving C a ride. The problem is that B's mom doesn't pay any attention at all and C and B run crazy all over the gym. B monopolizes C and drags her away anytime Sweet'ums tries to talk or play.

The other day all of this came to a head. C's mom is back again now that she's out of work for the summer and she's still nice to me but hangs out more with B's mom still. Two weeks before the last class Mom, Sweet'ums and I were sitting at "our spot" at one of the tables waiting for class to start when B and C came in with their mothers. C's mom went to change the baby and the girls were left with B's mom at the table next to ours. Sweet'ums got all excited to see C again (we'd been out the week before because of Sweet'ums being sick) and went over to "talk" to the girls. B got angry and started yelling at Sweet'ums that that was "My C!" B's mom just muttered something about being nice, but I went and got Sweet'ums to distract her with something else for a while. After class the kids had snacks, and Sweet'ums was sitting at the big table with all the other kids. B's mom stood behind Sweet'ums' chair to talk to one of the other moms and was making big hand gestures. Next thing we know, Sweet'ums is climbing up with us at our table with her cup, acting a little upset. Mom told me later that she saw what happened. Sweet'ums had had to move because B's mom kept hitting her on the head with her hands as she talked, and was so clueless that she didn't even notice that she was hitting her. After snack time was over a couple of the girls got up to play at the little play kitchen thing, and Sweet'ums went to join them. Once again, B got upset at Sweet'ums for trying to play with them and would yell at Sweet'ums and try to drag C away any time Sweet'ums would get close. She'd let any other kid play with her and C, but not Sweet'ums. I mentioned to C's mom casually that B seemed a little possessive of C lately, but C's mom kind of laughed it off as being cute or something. I don't even remember now, just that she seemed to dismiss the idea and moved on to other topics of conversation (namely, getting the kids together at the summer kids' movies--which we have yet to do).

I don't really know how to handle it. C's mom says she will probably take C to the evening classes since she works during the day and that way she can be there. That means B will probably also be in those classes. If they did the evening classes and we did the morning class then it wouldn't be a big deal--Sweet'ums wouldn't be around either girl and would have a chance to make new friends with some older kids.

Here's the problem: My mom got a job that occupies her mornings so now it's looking like we're going to have to put Sweet'ums in either the mid-afternoon class or evening class. If we do that it'll raise the risk of her being in class with B, which I don't want to do. I don't have a car to take her myself and Nice Guy works wild hours, so it's not guaranteed that our car would be here when I needed it.

What do I do if Sweet'ums ends up in class with these girls again? I know within reason that B is acting the way she is because she and her mom picked C up to take her for a while, and that gave her a sense of possession over C. I can understand that, but I don't understand why it's ok for all of the other kids to play with C but it's not ok for Sweet'ums. It appears that B is trying to isolate Sweet'ums from playing with any of the other kids (which is partly how Sweet'ums came to be friends with S, because the other kids avoided S too, but S's mom can't afford the classes for all of her kids anymore so they don't come now). If that's the case, and B is trying to systematically isolate Sweet'ums from everyone, should I say something to her mom? It's not a pressing thing at this point because Sweet'ums doesn't recognize that they're being mean to her--I guess good things do come of having an only child who doesn't go to daycare. On one hand, I want her to be able to take a little bullying because hey, it happens to all of us, but I also don't want it to become so commonplace for her that she thinks that it's ok for people to treat her that way. I also have the dilemma of not wanting to be a "helicopter mom" but also not wanting to be the mom that people think they can walk over, or who won't defend her child. I think I'd rather be the crazy mom than the doormat mom!

I guess, too, I'm projecting my issues from childhood onto her. I got picked on ruthlessly as a kid and my parents faced the same dilemma I do. Ultimately not much was done by the school administration (my parents chose to go to them and the teacher about the issue) and things only got worse for me as years went by. I didn't realize for a long time that I was actually being picked on and messed with and actually thought for a long time that those kids were my friends! It really messed me up when it comes to learning how to form healthy friendships and those problems still plague me. I really don't want that for Sweet'ums.

So how do I handle this? It would be one thing if Sweet'ums was being mean and that's why they didn't want her, but I haven't seen Sweet'ums do anything out of line. And one thing you can be sure of is that I wouldn't tolerate any meanness out of Sweet'ums towards any other kids--I won't permit my child to be a bully. It would even be different if Sweet'ums didn't know how to play nice or tried to take toys away, but Sweet'ums even tries to share her Froggies and those are her precious babies. I don't know what to do.

I'm thinking about making an appointment to talk to her doctor for advice about potty training... Should I bring this up for advice there too? I really don't know what to do about this situation, or whether I'm blowing it out of proportion, or what. I'm sorry for making this such a long and rambling post.

It's the little things

Usually it's little things regarding my daughter that make me smile. Tonight, it was something else, and completely unexpected.

When I was pregnant I was down a lot, mostly because a particular friend of mine gave me a really hard time. During one of these down spells another friend of mine, F, sent me a song she said made her smile and that she hoped it would cheer me up. It wasn't a 100% fix, but it really did pick up my spirits (lighting a candle like she suggested took care of the rest!). I listened to it throughout my pregnancy and after Sweet'ums was born, until more recently when my computer began giving us trouble. Ultimately I lost my original copy in the process of having everything repaired.

I listen to music on Pandora.com a lot and I have a station seeded with the song "Mad World" by Gary Jules. It has a rather eclectic bunch of songs that pop up, mostly stuff by groups like the Beetles and this Hawai'ian pop singer who died about ten years ago. Tonight I was listening and to my surprise "Hang On Little Tomato" pops up. It has nothing to do with the style of music that belongs on that station, but it made me so happy! And of course it makes me thankful for the sweet friend who sent it to me in the first place.

So, just in case you folks have never heard it, here's the YouTube of it.



I hope it made someone smile!

Finally, that update I promised

Things are progressing normally around here. Potty training is still a no-go, and she throws a fit when the subject is even brought up. I'm not really sure how to handle it, and I'm really feeling at a loss in this whole situation, but it'll be ok... I hope.

My mom has a little part-time job now in addition to the work she was already doing. My dad is still a lost cause and I'm really beginning to lose hope that he'll ever get off his butt and do something. I don't know if he's depressed or if he's just taking advantage of the knowledge that my mom won't go without just because he's too busy taking naps.

NG and I are hanging in there. Our problems haven't really been resolved yet, but we're having more good days emotionally and that's a start. I'm finding that the more good days I have with Sweet'ums the easier it is to be emotionally available with Nice Guy. I still wish he'd do more of the little things that we women tend to like so much, but he's been trying harder to just be "sweet" so I can't complain. Just a little bit of attention that I didn't ask for still goes a long way towards making me feel loved and appreciated.

That's about all I've got for the moment...

Hope everyone has a great upcoming week!

Finally, a photo update

My girl is growing so fast! I was looking at pictures and couldn't believe how much her face has matured since this time last year.

For example:
This was taken in mid-June last year.


And this is June of this year.

See how much she's changed? I mean, she's obviously still the same kind--nothing drastic--but she's matured a lot. It's kind of sad to me because my baby is growing so fast, but she's healthy and happy and has the cutest grin.

She's adorable in gymnastics class. She's really catching on and I can't wait until the start of next season (it's only in August) when she moves up to the next class.


The next class is more "real" gymnastics so I'm excited. The disappointing thing is that the new class doesn't require parental involvement, so I'm going to be enjoying from the sidelines. I think it'll be good for her to be taught directly by someone other than Mommy or MeMe though.

And finally, a couple random pictures, just because. The first three are from a couple parties we went to, and the last one is one my mom took at her house. I'm in one of them, so hang onto your eyeballs so they don't run away.



I'll post a real update one day this weekend, but for now, enjoy the smile that lights up my day.

Anticipation!!

I'm going to try my best to do a photo update tonight because we finally got the computer issue resolved. YAY! So, more to come later... and if not tonight, then most definitely tomorrow.

Improvements

I'm proud to announce that I almost have my computer fixed. It has more memory as of a few weeks ago, and a new graphics card as of tonight. I think it might need more memory since sometimes it seems a little overwhelmed. After all, Norton eats up resources these days and the most recent version really wasn't made with dinosaurs like mine in mind.

I'm also proud to announce that I have been dubbed "Wonder Mommy." Keep in mind my two year old LOVES the Wonder Pets.

Night before last we'd laid her down and said prayers with her and I gave her her kisses. Then her daddy realized we hadn't changed her diaper before laying her down, so I went to get him a diaper. He was going to change her, so I kissed Sweet'ums and told her good night. As I left, NG called after me that she was telling him all about Wonder Mommy, and how she loved me. That made me smile.

Then last night we went through our routine--prayers, then tucking in, then kisses, then good night--and as I was walking out, she called out to me, "I love you Mommy!" I called back to her that I loved her too. I told her good night, and she told me the same. Then, later on in the night before I went to bed, I went to check on her. She'd kicked her blanket half off the bed, so I moved some of her babies to straighten it. It roused her up a little, and in her sleep-stupor she reached to touch me and said, "I love you Mommy." It makes me teary-eyed to think about. Even when she's practically talking in her sleep, she loves me. :)

After rough days with her, it feels good to hear an "I love you." It makes it all worthwhile.

Potty Training FAIL

I'm at the point of tears.

I have a child who will be 3 in September. She KNOWS what to do when she needs to pee or poop. She KNOWS that if she sits on the potty, she'll get a reward, lots of praise, whatever. She knows that if she tells Mommy that she needs to go, Mommy goes head-over-heels happy and takes her to the Big Girl Potty to sit. She even had a day not long ago where she got to run around naked all day long and she went to the potty by herself, without so much as requesting our attention, time and time again. She won't do it consistently, but that day showed me that she knows what to do.

Despite knowing what to do and even walking me through it when she follows me to the bathroom, she refuses to "go" on the potty.

I'm about to lose it. Over and over again today, instead of indicating that she needed to potty or sitting on it herself or even getting my attention, she simply found something on the floor to pee on. I don't know how many blankets I've had to wash or bags I've had to throw away that she found and peed on. And she's doing it on purpose! She brought me her sippy a little while ago for a refill and while I was distracted doing that, not four feet away from me she peed on the beach bag that we put toys in to take to her MeMe's house. I caught her doing it and tried dragging her to the potty but she just resisted and yelled at me.

I've tried every "technique" I can find. I've tried letting her run naked. I've tried training pants, cloth training pants, setting a timer, giving rewards (everything from stickers to candy bars), and setting her on the potty when I go to the bathroom. We've tried multiple potty videos, the "big girl" speech, a potty chair and even the seat that installs on our toilet. She seemed to understand all of it and has shown no fear whatsoever to either of the potties. She gives no sign at all what's wrong, why she won't go. She doesn't give any signs that she's hurting down below, like maybe she has some kind of infection or something, and there's nothing else going on that would traumatize her regarding that area. As far as I can see there's absolutely no reason why she should be so resistant to going "big girl potty".

I'm really losing patience. This is by far the most difficult and frustrating thing we've faced with her up to this point--we had so many sleepless nights when she was an infant, she spit up so much, her terrible twos were really terrible at times, there was the phase when we finally got her to stop spitting up when she also stopped pooping that resulted in a lot of crying from me and her both, and NONE of it made me feel as angry as this does. I've been frustrated so many times over with the challenges she's given us, but never has she made me just want to SCREAM like I want to right now. And of course the hubby isn't home to take over for me. When I called Mom to talk about it she basically gave me the, "Well, I GUESS I can come get her for the week and see what I can do," which wasn't what I was asking at all and I doubt would help anyway, because she's worked with Sweet'ums before with no better luck than I've had.

I don't know anyone who has had this kind of trouble potty training a girl, and most of the suggestions I've found online either are strictly boy-appropriate (Cheerios in the potty are great, you know, if the kid can actually see them, and most girls can't if they're sitting) or have already been tried. I'm at my wit's end and I really don't want to go to the pediatrician in September and get the third degree for her not being potty trained. I've lost absolutely all optimism about this. I've been trying for nearly two years to get her used to the potty and to encourage her to use it. I'm ready to give up and just say fine, whatever, let her start college in diapers.

I don't know who else to ask for advice or where else to go for help. I feel like crying, really. Here I have this great kid who rarely misbehaves (and almost never in public), who turns into a complete monster as soon as the diaper comes off. And of course she doesn't want to wear a diaper, but she refuses to take any kind of responsibility for going to the potty or the mess she makes when she goes on the floor. Even the panty collection we've accumulated doesn't help--she refuses to wear them! And let's face it--who can really afford to keep a kid in diapers indefinitely?

When her daddy gets home I want to hand her over to him, tell him it's HIS turn to deal with her, and retreat to my bedroom never to be seen again. But, I can't do that either! Guess who has to work tomorrow even though he wasn't supposed to! So on top of the hair-ripping frustration that my child is causing I've also got the enormous disappointment of him not being home tomorrow.

I just want to cry. I've been able to handle pretty much everything else she's thrown at me, but this is too much. If she had her way, I'd be changing her diapers until the day I die.