Trip, but not the vacation kind

Sometime in the next week or so I'm going to have to make a trip I was really hoping to avoid. I mentioned before that my uncle was unwell; today we found out that they say he has three to six months but in the opinion of his hospice nurse he probably doesn't have three months. My mom's mother (who is up there with him) called my mom today to tell her that she and her sister should probably come up in the coming weekend if they want to see him.

I've been dreading this. The last time I saw someone in this condition was when my friend died in '05, and it was so hard. I'm not as close to my uncle as I was this friend but out of all my uncles, this one was my favorite. In that sense, it's hard. He's hardly seems like family because he wasn't around a lot growing up, but phone conversations were always a riot and the rare visits were fun. On the other hand, I'm really NOT that close to him and then there's always the issue of being kind of numb inside after losing so many people over the years. There's a bit of negative history where he's concerned (broken promises and disappointments and whatnot) and he seems more like a close friend of my mom's than an actual uncle but all of that aside, he's still family. So yeah, I've got some conflicting feelings.

With NG working and all we're trying to figure out how to handle the issue of Sweet'ums. I'm really not comfortable leaving her with my in-laws (remind me to tell you the latest on my MIL later) and my only really close local friend who knows her well enough to keep her happens to be about six months pregnant. If my dad stays home he could keep her but that would probably not end well, so I really don't know what we'll do.

I'm still sorting out my feelings and mourning a bit of what might have been had our family as a whole not been so disfunctional. After all, he's closer to my age than he is to my mom's. I always felt he and I would have been close had there not been such a large physical distance (more than 200 miles) between us for so many years. The reason for that distance is due, in large part, to the insane uncle I mentioned a couple months ago. I mean, geez, he even requested that we not tell that uncle that he's sick. I wish things had been different, but they weren't.

If I disappear for a few days, I'll be visiting him. Please pray for him to not suffer, regardless of God's Master Plan in this situation. Please pray that I don't fall apart, because the last thing I want is for my mom to think she's got to hold it together for me. Pray that we find the right place for Sweet'ums to stay and that we have a safe trip.

Hugs for everyone... I'll try to get back on before I actually leave.