New Year

First of all, let me wish everyone a happy New Year. What a beautiful opportunity to start again!

Last year I read a blog about resolutions and how they don't usually work. The writer decided instead to choose a word and stick with that over the course of the new year, hoping to improve her life. I chose to do the same and settled on the word "grow".

Growth.

"Progressive development", it says in Merriam-Webster. I grew a lot in 2008 and I'd like to continue to grow in 2009. The word reminds me to not let myself lose the ground I gained this year in my own personal development, but it also reminds me to look forward to the growth that will occur elsewhere in my life. The growth of my daughter, the growth we hope that our family will experience this year, the growth we would like to see in our finances and job experiences, the growth I hope takes place in my relationship with Ricky. It implies change for the better, and we could definitely use a little change for the better. It also helps me have the courage to embrace the changes that will inevitably come our way, to think of them in a more positive light rather than resisting it or fearing it.

My daughter is growing, changing in incredible ways and developing so fast. This growth, along with so many other kinds, is what I hope to embrace and encourage and strive for in this new year.

That was the post from last year. I've been wondering a lot lately whether I've really succeeded in what I wanted to accomplish. I can't really say, for sure. I've grown in many areas but for every bit of growth comes a new area that requires the same work. Our family didn't grow like we'd planned, and our finances took a nosedive for a while, but in the end we're all better people for it and that was part of the idea. We're still working on our relationship, but we've come to some realizations that will help us on our journey through the years. My daughter is growing like a weed both physically and intellectually. So I guess, in the end, growth was accomplished, even if it wasn't where we expected.

I haven't decided on this coming year's word but I'm in no hurry. I've got 365 days.

I'm too tired tonight to get too deep and introspective so I'm going to wrap this up for now. Good night and safe reveling tonight, folks!

Warms my heart

My daughter is the sweetest thing.






They say pictures are worth a thousand words, and I think these are. This is the baby doll her aunt got her for Christmas. She's been dragging it around the house with her for a week. As rough as the last few days have been, moments like these warm my heart.

So this is Christmas

I had high hopes for today. Giving Sweet'ums her present from her daddy, dinner (at lunchtime, since NG works tonight) as a family, playing all afternoon with her new toys and enjoying all of our time together, even after her daddy left for work.

It didn't quite work out that way.

On our way home from my mom's house last night we decided to stop and grab a bite to eat. Sweet'ums was already upset but we figured she might be a little hungry and, at the very least, a couple french fries would cheer her up. I know, I know, they're not good for her, but she doesn't eat them all the time and they're one of her favorite foods. She got madder and madder at the restaurant (Denny's was about all that was open) and at one point before the food came I had to take her to the bathroom to wash her face and calm her down. Our food took forever to come and once it did we tried enticing her with french fries. She threw one at her daddy! She has never turned her nose up at a fry before, so it worried her daddy. Then she threw the silverware off the table and we KNEW something was wrong. She NEVER acts that way in public--she knows better, and I won't tolerate it. I took her to the car and buckled her in while her daddy got our food boxed up and paid for. She screamed all the way to Walgreens, where we picked up Orajel and Motrin, and then all the way home. We doctored her up (she's teething pretty bad right now) and got her ready for bed. It took us until 11PM to get her to sleep.

Since NG is on nights this weekend he stayed up a while so he could sleep today for work. I stayed up for a while with him. Around 1:30AM Sweet'ums woke up crying so I went to her and calmed her down and got her tucked back into bed. We laid down shortly thereafter and managed to doze off. Just a little while after we fell asleep she woke up. For the rest of the night we were up and down with her. Finally, around 5:30 I broke down and called my mom. I knew I had dinner to fix and NG needed to sleep for work and it would only be a few hours before Sweet'ums would be ready to run around for the day. Mom came to the rescue for me so I could sleep.

I slept till around noon when I got up and got the food going. Dinner was tasty and pretty but it just wasn't the same without my baby at home.

So Mom's going to keep her until tomorrow. I miss her. I hate that Christmas worked out this way. I mean, at least she's with family and there's more people home at my parents' house than there would be here tonight, and she's got her new bicycle and some of her toys there, so it's not so bad for her I guess. But I hate being away from her on a holiday like this. I didn't have her for Thanksgiving (which was ok because again, she was with family) and now I didn't really get to spend much of Christmas with her, other than the time this morning. At least NG got to give her the present he bought her before she left today.

It's my own fault I guess. I don't function very well at all without sleep. NG said when Sweet'ums woke me up I said something to him, but it was complete gibberish. At the time all I was thinking about was being desperate for sleep, but now I feel bad for sending her to Mom's. The only good thing that came of it was she slept for Mom, and slept good. We think she was overstimulated from all the excitement yesterday, overtired from not getting a nap and playing so hard all day, and hurting too much with the two-year-molar-teething pain. I called a little while ago and she was napping, and Mom said that even though she didn't eat anything she's acting a bit more normal now.

I miss my baby.

So that's Christmas. I knew it would be a quiet day since NG works and even if Sweet'ums was home she'd be asleep half the time that I was up today (I'm more of a night-owl so Sweet'ums is in bed long before me usually, and she and I both tend to sleep a bit later in the mornings), but I wasn't expecting this.

On a happier note, I was so proud of my dinner that I just had to take a picture of it. Cornish game hens, green beans, corn, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. The only thing I had to put much effort into was the hens (the stuffing was just good old Stovetop) but I think they turned out really pretty.


I hope everyone had the most wonderful Christmas and got to spend lots of time with their families. I also hope everyone enjoys their leftovers!

Merry Christmas

Today is Christmas Eve and we'll be around, but spending a lot of time with family. I wanted to go ahead and wish everyone a merry Christmas and, just in case, a happy New Year. I do intend to be back by then though!

I hope that everyone enjoys their holiday and stays safe.

Almost There

So Christmas is almost here. We've been to NG's family festivities and on Christmas Eve we'll go to mine. Really, my family doesn't do a lot--they just hang out and open presents, and it's just the immediate family. But that's ok--I look forward to it.

Sweet'ums got quite a few cute things. She got MegaBloks, a big teddy bear, a couple baby dolls, some cookies and some candy. She also got a little shape-sorter thing. I'm not sure if I'll let her have it though. It's wooden and has a formaldehyde warning on it, and I'm not sure I like the idea of her playing with a toy we KNOW has formaldehyde in it. Maybe I just worry too much.

Now we've just got to hang in there until Christmas. I hate that NG has to work on Christmas but that's life I guess. I'm kind of dreading Christmas Day because NG's mom has, for the last four years, given us this lecture about how NG's grandmother (who is rather spry, mind you) is at Death's door and might not see next Christmas. I think this is ridiculous as Granny is in better shape this year than she has been the last several and yet, this year, we have AGAIN received the lectures. The difference is this: the last four years I let us be bullied into giving up opportunities to create our own Christmas traditions in favor of his granny. This year I won't. I'm making our own dinner, and we're spending what time we DO have together on Christmas Day as a family, not running all over the county. We'll only have a couple hours together and I refuse to spend it all in the car.

To be fair, we're not going to see my parents on Christmas either. I won't get to see any of my grandparents, and as badly as I want to go see my paternal grandmother, she's 1800 miles away. The day before New Year's Eve is the anniversary of my grandfather's death and I know she wouldn't want to be alone. That's where I'd really like to be, but I can't.

I just wanted to post an update. I'm sorry I don't have anything good up right now--I have a big headache today. Maybe tomorrow. :)

Just in case I don't post again before then, Merry Christmas to you and yours Patty, Ali, Melinda, and Wolfie!

Sew very nice!

THIS is what I got for Christmas!

I'm really excited. I'm a total fuddy-duddy and love getting useful gifts. I've done a ton of sewing lately so I'm psyched about my gift. Now, I just have to figure out how to use it, since I've always done my sewing by hand.

I'll yell at him later for spending the money... ;) For now, I'm just going to enjoy the thought he put into it. And he did it without help!

Oh, and I know I'm probably in trouble for not making him wrap it and not making myself wait until Christmas, but he asked me and I told him it was up to him and I don't care too much either way. I mean, we're both adults. We know how this works.

Anyway, I was excited and wanted to share. WOOOO!

Let's talk tummies

Okay, I know. I totally just went there.

We all have parts of our bodies that we hate. Some of us have several. But for right now I'm talking about one of the ones that doesn't bother me too much, but that really gets in the way sometimes.

In the last four years I've gained weight slowly. Then I lost a little when I first got pregnant. Then my (literal) inner child grew to be 8lbs and 21.5 inches long and stretched the skin on my belly beyond its limits. After she was born I dropped 30lbs in ten days. Then, one morning about a year and a half ago, I woke up and realized that sometime in the night, those 30lbs found me and reattached to me. Since then we've fought the battle of the belly bulge, and I've stayed on the losing end.

Recently I went on Metformin. While I haven't lost much weight, I have noticed that what was once filling out some of the extra skin of my midsection is now gone.

My belly looks like a pathetic, deflated balloon.

There's still some fat there but it seems my body has chosen to return to its youthful tendency to carry my weight more in my hips and butt instead of my torso. Hey, I won't complain--it's healthier for women to carry their weight around their hips than their waists. But what was once a fat roll is now a skin roll. A very flappy skin roll.

Luckily I've still got some elasticity to my skin and it's not as bad as it could be. And at least my mother and husband both derive immense amounts of enjoyment from grabbing my little deflated love handles and jiggling them and watching my whole front do the "wave". I mean, we're not talking about a little roll here... Think Shar Pei puppies.

Long-term I'm not sure what, if anything, we'll do about it. Exercise will help but it won't tighten everything back up. Plastic surgery is expensive and at any rate really just isn't my style.

So as far as physical appearance goes, it's probably my biggest flaw. My butt and hips and thighs don't really bother me. My chest certainly isn't what it used to be but it could be far worse, and honestly, it's nothing a good bra can't fix. My arms are still big and fatty, but that's something I can fix with exercise. Besides, my family is prone to having large arms, and since I tend to bulk when I lift weights I could very easily change that little problem from flab to muscle.

Of course, I'd love to be about six inches taller but alas, diminutive stature is the bane of the ladies in my family.

So that's my update on my progress as far as my outward physical qualities are concerned. Definitely a long way off from "butterfly" but hey, it's a start.

What about everyone else out there? Is there something on you that you'd change if you could?