Still trying to stay on top

I'm feeling a little bit hopeless today. We managed to get through last week, but now we face this week. We're living on very little, and instead of being able to give us money like FIL said he would last week, he's had to use the money to pay bills now on account of my highly irresponsible SIL and her husband. The part that makes me mad about it isn't that he can't help, but that I find it strange how my SIL can't afford to pay her rent and yet she can afford Clomid to try to get pregnant. Mind you, she called us last week asking us to buy her a pregnancy test, because she was broke. The morning after the night we had to call my FIL to ask him for money. Umm, yeah.

So I'm really down. I know we'll make it but I have no idea how. I keep having flashbacks to my own childhood... Things sucked back then and things suck now, and I'd always hoped Sweet'ums wouldn't have to grow up the way I did.

My only option is to go to work and yet I feel like I'd be abandoning my baby. I'm hard of hearing, and that's going to make work hard for me in the fields I'd have to work in. And with the schedule NG has to keep for his job I have no idea how we'd manage work hours and taking care of Sweet'ums. And there's times where NG and I can barely find time for each other. If I go to work I don't know what we'll do.

I'm heartbroken over all of this but I don't see any other choices anymore. We've struggled since we got married and we can't seem to catch a break. And unfortunately, we're not moochers like my SIL... We've got too much pride to rely on someone else to pay our bills.

All I want to do is cry, but it won't change anything. I'm out of choices and I'm so horribly unhappy.