Week Three of Mission: Family Nutrition

I can't declare last week's goal a complete success, but it was a definite improvement. There was far less soda consumed, and I tried hard to limit mine to diet when I could. Not that diet soda is really any better nutritionally, but it's a step in the right direction. Our snack habits are gradually improving, but not because we're really eating better things: we simply haven't snacked as much. I've got a recipe for granola I want to try out this weekend, plenty of yogurt and a can of peanuts, and hopefully I can keep the munchies at bay.

The Nice Guy has gone back to work so I can get back to our normal way of life, and implementing these things should be easier... At least on my end. I thrive on routine, and even though the nature of his job keeps us from having real routines around here, having him back at work at least returns a sense of normality to the household. The only tough part is my cravings for comfort foods during his night shift.

My new goal for the week is to find a good, healthy recipe that I can make for myself and Sweet'ums for nights when her daddy is working. It has to be something healthy, easy, child-friendly, and quick, since two year olds can be fairly time-consuming and demanding. I'm going to try to find a recipe tonight that looks promising, and I'll try it out tomorrow.

Good luck to everyone working on this endeavor.

Small victories

This week is a little easier as far as changing our eating habits. So far I've tried to find new recipes that the family will eat (still working on that one) and together the Nice Guy and I have decided that we don't eat enough fruit and plan to remedy it. I'm working on finding recipes for meals and snacks that incorporate various fruits and veggies that we might not think about eating otherwise. So far we've had apples and grapes (the latter thanks to my daughter, who was rather insistent in the store that she had to them), crepes, pork chops (which is something I'd never made before, but was how we incorporated the apples), and tomorrow we'll have a good stew (mainly because it's cool out and I thought it would be nice). I made a concession on my soda goal--the hubby can't live without his soda so we agreed we'd reduce our overall consumption and try to drink diet soda when an agreeable variety is available. In other words, if Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper is available, we'll drink that--it's our favorite.

They're small things, but they feel big. I'm trying to change things without changing anything too big, but at least I'm cooking at home more again and that's a big issue for us. We really got used to eating out when we were pressed for time, so the part I've got to work on is remembering to plan ahead--buying groceries, planning menus, and thinking about the nutritional content of what we're eating.

Another small victory we achieved today is we found a potty seat that Sweet'ums will actually use. Her old one, a Walmart purchase with a cushiony blue seat-ring, was a great purchase and a wonderful potty to acclimate her to the idea, but she's had it since she was six months old and associates it more with play than potty. Then at Home Depot we found this, a child's potty seat built into an adult potty seat (click the link and scroll down for pictures). This way she can use the "big girl potty" like Mommy without feeling like she's going to fall in, and since it's a built-in mini seat, she can't run off and play with it like she can her other potty. She sat on it for the longest time tonight, and aside from a few moments of uncertainty at first she seems to be perfectly comfortable and secure sitting on it. Hooray for finding items that help in the huge task of potty training!

So today I celebrate our small victories and hope that tomorrow holds just as many.

Oh, Brother

I just got into a fight with my little brother that I really wasn't looking for. I wish I'd found Melinda's post about tone about fifteen minutes sooner...It's a great reminder, except I'd already dug myself a hole before I found it.

I've mentioned before that my brother has a girlfriend.

I've also mentioned that I don't like her.

Not that the rest of the family is really fond of her, either.

I called GG last night to invite him over for dinner with us. Unfortunately he had to get up early today to go to work, but I told him he was welcome to come over today instead. He failed to tell me he wanted to go to his girlfriend's house because she wasn't in school today.

I was on the phone with Mom when he came in from work so I asked her to convey an invitation to him for me to come for supper. He told her no, that he was going to his girlfriend's house. So I asked to speak to him.

I promise, all I really wanted to express was that I miss him, and I wish he'd come around more. He used to stay the night with us all the time. Now I'm lucky if I even catch him at home when I go see my parents.

Instantly, he took that defensive tone. He started talking about how he hadn't seen his girlfriend in quite a while (which is a lie because he got into a fight with my mom last weekend about how late he was staying out, since he lives in a house with people who worry when he doesn't call) and how he wanted to see her since she's not in school today. Unfortunately I didn't watch myself and I took a nasty tone back--why is it that he just has to spend every off moment with her, when he can't even show up to family stuff anymore on account of her? Why can't he spend one afternoon with his sister for a change?

I admit, I'm hurt. I think that's why I got kind of angry. It's not an excuse, but let's face it. Women have a hard time controlling themselves (or their words) when they're angry.

It digressed into an argument about how she's tried friending me on Myspace a couple times (not the "over and over again" that he wanted to insist--I've only denied her twice) and me arguing that I don't keep people on my Myspace who aren't my friends. After all, I've got a cousin and two sisters-in-law who aren't on my Myspace that I'm closer to than I am to his girlfriend. He argued that I've done nothing but make remarks about her, which again isn't entirely true--I've gone out of my way the last couple months to avoid saying anything about her to him (which isn't hard since he never calls) or to my mom. Sometimes things slip out to Mom but only on a rare occasion anymore. I don't talk about her to my brother unless he brings her up, and even then I try to limit it to something like, "I don't really want to talk about her, so what's going on at work?" I've NEVER said anything to his girlfriend that was out of the way. Holy smokes, I've even dumbed myself down to the point of discussing pop culture just to be polite to her.

Then GG hit a real nerve with me: she just wants everyone in the family to like her, he says. She wants to be a part of our family. She's even so sorry about Sweet'ums' birthday and has apologized to him so many times for it, because she just "didn't know".

Well, she still hasn't apologized to me (you know, mother of the child and person who paid money she didn't have so that family could enjoy themselves). As much time as my brother has spent over there and she has yet to ask for my phone number so she could apologize. And she can't claim she didn't know--she knew where GG was, and what the occasion was, so it was entirely unnecessary for her to cause the scene with him that she did. She knew he was upset and that we were too, and she proceeded to pull that stunt.

I'm not one to hold a grudge or just stay angry, but I don't easily forget hurts. I avoid people and circumstances that I know are apt to be awkward or painful or difficult. Kick a dog and he'll still be nice to you, but he's going to be a lot more shy around you, right? This girl does nothing but create awkward situations and interrupt family events, so of course I don't want to be her bosom buddy.

I know I'm in the wrong too. I need to build bridges and be friendlier and more understanding. She IS a kid, after all (seventeen, for crying out loud... my brother's twenty-one!). I just can't help but feel like if she's "mature" enough to handle what amounts to an adult relationship, then she needs to be mature enough to apologize when it's warranted, encourage him to spend time with other members of the family, and balance the time he spends with her and her family with time with his side too.

Past events aside, she's made no effort (besides the Myspace friending attempts) to reach out to me. Honestly, I don't count Myspace as much of an attempt--I have people on Myspace I care a great deal for, but it's no substitute for having a real relationship with them. The majority of my Myspace friends are people I talk to on the phone when I can, even if it's not often.

In some ways I feel like I'm being punished because I don't feel a desire or a need to be the newest member of her clique or to make her part of mine. I haven't made a lot of an effort to reach out either, mostly because I haven't felt like there's anything in common to build a relationship on (besides wanting to have my brother around).

I just wish my brother could look at the situation from both sides, instead of just his girlfriend's. I know it's awkward to be between someone you're in a relationship with and someone who doesn't like them because I've lived with it for almost five years. But learning to navigate that is a huge part of relationship maturity and neither of them has learned it. Where they're standing is awkward, but it's awkward on our end too. It's never fun to have to put up with someone you can't stand just because you know that, if you don't, you won't get to see someone you care a lot about.

I know what needs to be done, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

And I don't want to be the one to make the first move. *stomps feet and pouts*

But I miss my brother. We were so close for a little while, and now I feel like I've lost him.

Family Nutrition, Week 2

I didn't do very well this past week with trying to implement my goal. My world feels so chaotic right now. It's no excuse, but we really are trying to change our whole attitude towards food.

My goal for this coming week, in addition to continuing to try to do better with our snack habits, I'd like to try either cutting soda out completely or limiting it to one a day. I haven't totally decided yet.

In other news:

A dear friend from my family's old church died a couple days ago. She was someone I looked up to as a child and someone who filled a sort of grandmotherly capacity in my life. She was ready to go. Her daughter told us that the night she died she laid awake praying, so I know her heart was in the right place. I know that now she's at peace; I pray the same for her family and for everyone who knew her.

NG's grandmother is still hanging in there. She's in a different part of the hospital where her visitors are limited, so since we haven't been able to go visit we haven't gotten any updates, either. Nobody ever calls us and NG's mom doesn't answer her phone if we do, so we kind of gave up.

We're still hauling his dad around. I'm angry about it but apparently I don't have a say in the matter.

That's all for now. Sorry to throw so much together in one post but I'm tired and really looking forward to going to bed and didn't want to post twice. Loooong day today, and probably another long one tomorrow.

Night everyone, and I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Mission: Family Nutrition, Week One

I've decided to join Melinda over at Coming Clean in her newest endeavor, Mission: Family Nutrition.

What we eat is enormously important in so many ways. Of course it impacts our health, but it can also make a difference in our mental state, our emotional well-being, and even our social lives. All of these things in turn influence what we choose to eat as well. Since all of these things create a cycle, of sorts, if you can manage to change one part of it you change the whole cycle.

My family has tried more than once, some times more successfully than others, to change our whole relationship with food. We've developed healthier habits in some areas and worse habits in others. We've replaced regular pasta with whole-wheat pasta. We've cut down on our starches and increased our veggies. Unfortunately we still have a LONG way to go. It's time we got a complete grip on our dietary habits.

So I've decided for my first goal that we are going to start small and try to find a HEALTHY snack (or even a couple options) to replace our usual go-to treats. I'd like to replace our usual sugary or salty craveables with something healthier.

(Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

...

Okay, okay. It was me.)

I have insulin problems and really, I should be eating every four hours or so. My husband needs to lose weight and a big part of that is eliminating the insulin/sugar highs and lows and stabilizing your metabolism. I don't really have time to prepare six small meals every day so for us, eating on the go is a big part of our lives. If we can control our snacking, we can largely cut out a lot of the "junk" in our diet.

So that's my goal for now. Wish me luck!

Emotional Overload

Lately I've had to be the rock, and I'm not used to that.

With NG's grandmother is very sick (late Stage IV bone cancer) he's coming under (indirect) pressure to be the stable one in his family, who raised him with that "boys don't cry" mentality. He's always been the stable and consistent one, the big brother to three little sisters. There's a downside to it though, too--while everyone else is allowed to break down and release those emotions, he's expected to sit back and tough it out with nothing more than a grim look on his face. Here at home I encourage him to be as emotional as he needs to be, because I know him--he's a softie. He's got a big heart and he's very compassionate, and it hurts me deeply to see him hurting so much and still having to hold it in with the people who should the first ones to accept it.

Don't get me wrong--nobody is telling him to be macho. But when you're raised a certain way, and the members of your family behave a certain way, it's hard to deviate. His dad is the same way--show no emotion, unless it's manly anger.

Being the oldest, and a boy, I can kind of see the logic--by the logic of a lot of our parents' generation, the boys are supposed to look after the girls and be strong for them. But what about his feelings? He's as close to his grandmother as they are. He's got more memories of her than they do because he's been with her longer.

So he's a mess. He's making himself sick to his stomach over everything, and I'm doing my best to be strong for him so he can just relax. He also mentioned something else that I'm trying to prepare for: as one of the more reliable of the grandkids, and with his mother and her sisters all being basket-cases over the whole thing, he's probably going to end up being responsible for helping with aspects of the planning. Another thing I'm worried about is what will happen to his grandfather. He's going blind so he can't drive and he's alright taking care of himself for a couple days at a time, but I don't know about long-term. I don't know what they're planning on doing about him. I'm assuming that what is most likely to happen is that someone in the family will move in and help look after Grandpa. Time will tell.

For now, Grandma will be placed in a hospice-type care setting near my home. It's a really nice place. Honestly, though, I don't expect her to linger long--NG's mom thinks Grandma might have six months. NG and I both estimate more conservatively, thinking more in the ballpark of eight weeks max. The thing is, when we were visiting her, both of us noticed something that neither of us wanted to talk about at the time.

When someone's sick and about to die there's this sort of smell that hangs around. It's not a smell, exactly, but something akin to it, something you feel in your nose that makes you uneasy, makes you want to run away and not look back. It was there, Monday, in the room with her. I noticed and NG did too, but both of us were uneasy enough that neither of us wanted to talk about it until today.

So combining that with everything else, I feel really overwhelmed. I have NG to worry about, as well as Sweet'ums, and one of NG's sisters seems to rely a lot on us for stability, so I feel like I've got a lot of people counting on me. I don't mind, especially since that's kind of what a woman is supposed to do for her family, but I just haven't had to be on this side of things since we've been married. He's worried about his parents' marriage and things like that, but this is the first really serious thing to happen on his side since we've been together.

He's handling it well considering the circumstances but I don't know how long he can hold it together. Pray for us all, and pray that I can fulfill my part in this to the best of my abilities.

It pours

I went today to have my hands looked at again. He's backing off of the RA diagnosis because there's nothing definitive in my bloodwork (despite family history and the obvious signs of arthritis in my poor hands) but he did say he thinks it's the early stages of arthritis, which, of course, is not unheard of at my age. Now he's calling it early stage inflammatory arthritis--what the difference is, I have no idea.

So we got home from that to find out my MIL called the house about five times while we were gone (only about half an hour) and that when my mom answered (she was watching Sweet'ums) my MIL very curtly asked to have NG call back. When NG called back he got some unpleasant news.

His grandmother has what appears to be bone cancer.

I'm exhausted and don't plan on being here long tonight so I won't go into details, but it explains some things we've been wondering about. It's Stage 4--almost Stage 5--and she's got a broken femur, and they seem to have no idea what to do.

So I've got a grieving hubby and sore hands and another appointment tomorrow, with my ENT this time. Hopefully it'll be a quick, in-and-out, "you're doing well" kind of visit. It's over an hour drive to get there but I really hate the appointments that don't go so well.

That's what my week is looking like. Keep us in your prayers.

When it rains, it pours.