Life, Love and Losing My Mind

In some ways things are finally falling into place for me. In others, I feel like I'm going crazy. For every positive happening in my life something negative is trying to get a foothold, and I'm trying so hard to not be so negative about things. That's not easy for someone like me. I've always been one to look at the way things are, instead of how they could be. (My brother was the idealist in the family...Someone had to keep him grounded.)

I'll get the negatives out of the way first. For one, I've had a lot of friction lately with this pregnant girl I know. Essentially she acts like A) she's the first woman to EVER have a baby, or a rough pregnancy, and B) she's never had a pregnancy before (it's worth noting that this is her second child). She has started acting like she's some sort of pregnancy and parenting guru, implying that I'm wrong on pretty much everything I say or do or think regarding parenting because this is her second child/pregnancy and she knows better than me. I'm not saying I'm right all the time...only that I'd like to not be talked to like a child when she thinks she knows better. She's completely self-obsessed--I can't get a word in when she calls until she decides she's done and has to go or my phone dies on me. I've told her about our situation, baby fever, and how it's all a really sensitive spot for me, but she continues to go on and on about her pregnancy and how miserable she is. All the while, all I can think of is how much I would love another chance to have that. I lost all patience and respect for her when she was talking about her prospective VBAC and her early labor pains at 35 weeks, and she commented that it would be best if the baby went ahead and came so it would be small enough for her to have a successful VBAC, and that he'd "only" spend a week or two in the NICU. I confronted her over it the next day, and of course she backpedaled and acted like I misunderstood her meaning. She pretended like she wasn't offended, but I haven't heard from her since and sadly that's no problem to me. I'm trying hard not to be so nasty, so negative, so resentful, but she made it impossible for me to look forward to talking to her. Talking to her always made me bitter, and for a while I thought maybe it was me and I was in the wrong, but after a while I realized that it wasn't just me--she was ungrateful for what she already had, for what she was getting, and for the financial assistance she was getting that so many others need and can't get. She has been the biggest source of emotional stress for me lately. I don't miss that frustration and anxiety at all.

The next main negative is that Sweet'ums' birthday party is just around the corner and last night I get this phone call telling me I either have to move up her party by a week or change the time on the day we were going to have it. Both of these options aren't the simplest--I had the whole day planned around the time of her party and I chose that time for a reason, and moving it up a week can't happen either since her daddy works and her party would fall on my birthday. To complicate matters even more, I didn't wait until the last minute this year to hand out invitations, so no matter what we chose I was going to have to call everyone and let them know that plans had changed. Apparently the lady who takes the reservations had failed to write ours down right away and ended up double-booking that time on that day. What really frustrated me is that she had told me to reserve early because they book up six to eight weeks in advance, so I told her three months beforehand what day and time I wanted. Why is it that she didn't know until last night that she was double-booked? Did someone come in yesterday and reserve and THEN she realized she already had a reservation for that time? And if that's the case, why are WE the ones having to change? I know, I know, moving up the time by two and a half hours isn't a big deal, but to someone like me it is. I'm a planner and I panic when things start changing and going "wrong". Her party will still be a lot of fun, but I had deliberately tried to arrange it so that I wouldn't be pressed for time and start panicking on the day of the party. Now, I don't think I'll be able to rearrange my day in a way that won't have me freaking out and stressed to the point of not being able to enjoy the afternoon.

Now, for the positive. Hooray! Other than the time falling through on me, I've got more done in advance for her party this year than I normally do. I'm not very good at planning parties so I'm proud of myself. I've still got work to do but overall, things are looking good. You know, if I don't totally fall apart the day of the party.

Also, potty training is FINALLY showing real promise! All week we have worked on it and she's only had a couple accidents. After the success at MeMe and Poppy's house the other day, we had some setbacks. Then, I read something about how some kids get hung up on potty terminology and just don't "get" what it's all about. They know what it sounds like to use the potty but don't really know how to connect the sensations and what they're really doing and all that. So, I got this bright idea to tell her to put her water in the potty, and that did the trick! She knew what "pee-pee" sounded like when she followed me to the potty, but she wasn't connecting the term and sound to what she did. On the other hand, she knows what water is, what it feels like, and what it looks like, so telling her to put her water in the potty was an idea she could latch onto. Getting her to land #2 in the potty is a whole different challenge, but at least she's putting her "water" where it belongs!

Gymnastics is going a little better. Sweet'ums is still crazy and keeps the teacher busy, but she seems to take her a little more in stride now than she did at first. I can't help but laugh sometimes at the class. This past week, she had a different teacher since hers was out sick. This girl was less tolerant and kept the kids in line better. The kids got the best of her though. All of the kids LOVE the trampoline and it's the hardest thing to get them to take turns with. So while one of the kids was taking a turn, one of the boys took off his shorts. When the teacher realized what he had done she scrambled to try to get his shorts back on. While the teacher was distracted with that boy, my daughter decided to take a turn on the trampoline. When the teacher took off after my daughter, another girl decided to jump on the trampoline behind the teacher. And I know, I know, I shouldn't laugh, but it looked so well-planned! It was like the class trouble maker created a diversion so the girls could have a little fun. I wish I had it on video.

I also changed the pattern for the quilt I'm making. It'll be the first one on the second row in the "other view". The colors will be different, of course, but this pattern will be easier on my hands for cutting and piecing. I'm looking forward to getting the supplies and making it. I'll try to take pictures through the whole process and keep everyone updated.

Nice Guy and I also have been working on staying close to each other. We're doing so much better, and while problems are still there and probably will remain, at least we're keeping our love and friendship alive. The best thing for us so far was the little book we started writing things we love about each other in. Even when he's working it's a way to stay in touch and share sweet thoughts with each other.

I'm sorry this post is so long but I wanted to vent a little and to update too. (I did try editing it to make it shorter.) Life is a roller coaster and it's hard to keep track of the ups and downs without my sanity slipping up now and then. At the end of the day, though, I'm so thankful for my husband and my daughter and our growth together as a family. Crazy as things are, the two of them make everything worthwhile.